The trouble with letting you in
is
I fall in love with my friends all the time
–
the first one, I don’t remember her name
but I remember how it felt
Kristy, she was the main contender
for years
People would come and go
Anyone who could really see me
Would end up in my dreams
And its dangerous
This feeling
Because its so
hungry
So insatiable
It’s the feeling that I remember most
The longing
The loneliness
–
If you had dark hair
And dark eyes
That was preferred
But not essential
–
If there was a moment
Of connection
And they caught me
I’d let them see
See me seeing them
Mostly,
If not always,
I let them run
Only in my dreams
–
Sometimes,
But not often
If I was so sure
That it wasn’t just me
Then
Then it moves from my dreams
To my eyes
And the times
I knew I was right
Are few
But they scream like rowdy drunk men from the bleachers
Do it
They play the reels of reciprocation
When she called my name from across the beach one summer night
Everyone watched her walk to me
Kiss me
You were right about her
–
But that’s the trouble with emotional love affairs
They run on in your dreams
They have a life of their own
Seperate to reality
–
So
I don’t ask them about it
For the same reason I don’t acton it
To keep the dream alive
Because if I don’t have the dream
I am really
Truely
alone.