The ways we are taught to be a woman

Are many 

And these lessons cost us 

I paid dearly for these lessons

I paid in blood

I paid in humanity 

I paid in spirit

I paid in silence 

I paid in shame 

–

The story is as you have told it

you have the power

And I’ve got tokens 

And every time you take from me

flint sparks

Charcoal

Sulfur 

Potassium nitrate

Gunpowder

Not the elixir of life you were looking for

But gasoline 

The girl becomes gasoline 

–

I don’t know when I became a cipher to you

Just that I did

Over and over again

You remove the girl

You remove her humanity 

You burn the girl

And the past she represents 

I am not alone in this

I am a stand in

A mouth piece for every girl

1. Bayside creeper – The one outside the primary school, I was 14, you sat there at 8.30 in the morning casually pretending to watch the water, but your dick was out of your shorts, I’m sure you knew that though. You were gone before the police got there.
2. Tony in the van – I was 18, you followed me from the station, a slow roll until you cut me off before the park you asked for my number, you asked me to get in, I said no, you insisted so I gave you the wrong number, you were waiting for me on the other side of the park, you had called the number, you were angry, I ran home, you chased me in your van, I hid behind a wall in my neighbours yard. I got away.
3. Beige Bomber jacket – The one in the shopping centre, I was 16 you were watching me as I fought with my mum, you watched me leave, You followed me outside, I was crying, I didn’t notice you, You approached me, Sat down next to me and inched your way over, until you were touching me, you said you saw the whole thing and that I should come with you, you knew how to make it all better. I got away. 
4. Tag team in the park – my friend and I were 16, you both got off the same train, strangers to each other, but my friend asked both of you to buy us booze, one of you was 28, the other was 47, like some kind of silent bro code you didn’t have to know each other to know that you knew you both wanted the same thing, So you stuck together and picked us apart, you said you had a daughter that was older than me, you had false teeth, you held my arms back and put your mouth over mine. I got away.
5. The worst one – I was 17. You were 40. I did not get away. I will never get away. I wont speak your name, I wont share your story. Fused to the bedrock of me like cancer in my fucking bones. 

The ways we are taught to be a woman

Are many

No one tells you about the gasoline

But it soaks into the bones of you

–

Women modify their behaviour 

Women make themselves small

make themselves invisible 

Occupy less space 

Draw less attention to themselves 

The paradox is 

If we made ourselves any smaller 

we’d be be invisible – 

we wish we could be invisible 

But it is only afterwards

that we are truely – as victims invisible. 

He made her known, 900meters from home

and he made her invisible. 

She is gone

At least I got to live

I guess that makes me

lucky 

men, this is what luck looks like for a lady.

Making it out alive 

So suck on your own fucking privilege

I hope it tastes like gasoline

I hope it stains like gasoline