Longing for the only place I’ve ever called home
and I know you’re not there any more
the stones beneath my feet are sharp
And I’m trying to hold it
and let it go
all at once
the air is salty here
and its dripping with nostalgia
I remember what it was
I know what you wanted it to be
the unpaved dirt
kicks up a cloud of grey black smoke
and I wished that when it settled
you would be there
in my dreams you’re still there
and I can visit you
but the midnight whale of doom
always washes up
I didn’t learn to drive a car
I learnt to drive a tractor
as you hung nonchalantly off the side
Calm
And composed as you ever were
im sure you got our whole families allowance
I didn’t have a tree in my front yard
I climbed ladders
Scaffolds
boats
I asked you to dig up the trees
You said you could only take so much
I guess I’m too much like my mother
the dirt became important to me
and I wanted you to take it
Built on the bones of dead horses and dogs
the history of that land
Mapped out by the lines on your face
by the mangroves you built a jungle
an oasis where the sea lapped the wooden wall
where you could see across the water
to the city lights at night
And the sound of those planes landing travelled right across the surface
unbroken
you’d sit on the balcony and tell me things
and you pretended you didn’t know
that I stole your tiny hammer
you just let me have it